


30 drops

by rominatrix



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV Sherlock Holmes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-19 23:29:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1488139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rominatrix/pseuds/rominatrix





	30 drops

The doctor gave me this drops, 30 drops in a glass half filled with water. For that pain, he said.

But he's not my doctor.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 drops. The water tints vaguely. The colour of tea as the brewing process begins. The comfort behind chemistry.

7, 8, 9 drops. Tea. The tea my doctor makes me when I can not be bother to move. He leaves it on my desk, next to my microscope, on the table next to my bed. Ever so softly. Never knocking the ceramic on the wood. I don't ever look up.

10, 11, 12 drops. Why don't I ever look up? I have missed so many chances of seeing his eyes on me. On my head. That's all I let him see.

12, 13, 14 drops. He would have made a fuss about this pain. Drops. Pills. Food. Sleep. It's good that i'm alone now.

15, 16, drops. The water gets darker. The tense of the verb is wrong. I _didn't_ look up. The tea he _made_. The mugs he _left_. Past tense. The past, like most chemistry processes cannot be reversed.

17, 18, 19 drops. They swirl. Dance in the water. Like we danced behind closed doors. Did you take my pulse when your small hand was holding mine?

20, 21 drops. The chemistry is overwhelmingly beautiful. Like we were beautiful. Like you were. Are. Always will be.

22 drops. Sentiment. Dull. Boring. Mundane. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

.... drops.

22? perhaps... 23, 24, 25 drops. We were never more than than flatmates. You were never more than my blogger. More than adventurers. We were never more than friends.

Nothing more.

..... drops. God damn it. Bloody thing.

Was it... 22? Like our flat, 221b. Was it 19, like the day we met. Was it the day of your wedding. Was it the day we said goodbye.

Focus. Pick a number.

22, 23, 24 drops. I was safe in his ignorance. He was safe. He wouldn't know what my tell-telling eyes would have shown him if they were to meet. Would he want to? No point. 

25, 26 drops. His dark blue eyes. His comforting eyes. His captain eyes. His worried eyes. His tired eyes. His anxious eyes.

27, 28 drops. Those cerulean bright eyes in the morning, the sun reflecting on his blond lashes. I always saw him. Those indigo eyes he saved for me. I had never seen such beauty. I will never see it again.

29 drops. His firm hands. His rough hands. The ones he held me with more than once. That last time, too. I will never feel them again.

30 drops. What is the purpose of these drops anyway?


End file.
